so still now
in our block nobody is sleeping
young or old
any blessings left in our dreams
in bed
hand on belly
gap of night light between drawn blinds
no shadows no nausea is it a hunger i feel
maybe in the bath
eyes wide dry decisive
skin my body radiant
how strange
no anger guides me
no grieving
what is it then
no purpose
warm water
two weeks like two lives
life hands severed
so foolish of me going out that morning
so providential
your knowledge determines your life
he opposed of course
life and death
let me see it with my own eyes understand
let me buy groceries
bring home a special treat
only a short walk
a direct look
a soldier with trophy bayonet in the back of a ute
the last time i was out and about
our eyes met
i know this look
it was the first time i felt it
but it is everywhere
school media books
relatives people talk
told him about the encounter
the truth
i know this look
blood does not stick to their teeth
you had to leave
you are not coming back
never worried about you before
found a way through bacha bazi
a hard way to the state university
two years ago when we met
tomorrow the opening day
we would lead
i know this back-breaking look
i saw it
everybody knows
poor people day and night
children held by elderly and parents
stuck in airport trenches
with official permissions
my teacher said they got turned at the check-in
administrative error
heavy stones crush flesh
what can they do
start a new war
struggle is futile
visa worries
education
friendship
vision
trust
us
gentle
qargha lake
we took classes in political theory
our study publicised reported
by your own people
it matters no more
it is my decision
i know
one last thing
i don’t know where
maybe red dawn at my balcony
August 31
6:17am
6:43 Another busy day, maybe months in lockdown ahead
6:44 Fatigued but I’ve got it, I’ve got the means to sustain it. That’s what we’re doing
6:45 Let’s start with a long contrast shower
6:47 Enjoy running water
6:58: Take your time, if you can, otherwise things will start falling apart, again, as they do. Work work, weekends in the suburb, health.. and who’d think family matters can be so pressing! It’s going to be a shitty day in the world, for sure, even if it’s bright; better be prepared for it
7:07 How nice it was to receive that Moroccan mint tea from Tim and Pru yesterday. They’re nice; excited to have a mug of strong Tun.. Moroccan tea, and a wind-down before it starts, read a few tweets
7:21 I’d better have a solo moment in the sun on the patio, before others are out and about
7:35 Christ, what the fuck is going on in the world!! I can’t read and see this no more. Can’t make sense of this
7:36 It’s like that painful hypothetical game in school: would you save x number of humans or x number of street dogs
7:37 One can only wonder how many new cases will be announced today
7:38 Yeah, you look at his face and you see a conservative pig with personal interests causing environmental damage and severe inter-generational injustices. Worst of all: none of them can recognise their own limits
7:39 Why, why would you read a popular paper?
7:40 Why would you trust a man educated in the 70’s in our current situation?
7:42 That show last night... wasn’t bad
7:43 Alright, you’ve got maybe another ten minutes
7.44 Don’t be too concerned! When it gets too much, you know, symptoms, you don’t want to push yourself and others. Focus on work, on a plan. Structure the first few hours, don’t sit too much
7:45 Take it easy, take breaks and short walks
7:55 How am I supposed to manage this on-line with little help? They don’t know what they’re doing
8:00 Offer a counter-strategy; either way it will go your way
8:02 Lucky I don’t have to do groceries today, though driving this electric car is a great experience, I must say. The seats look pretentious
8:03 Go spend fifteen minutes with the family
9:29 Use the opportunity, put a podcast on, go for a walk, or a run. It’s sunny, and not too hot yet. It will feel great
9:30 Most certainly, ruby magnolias are in full bloom in the park
9:39 The dog leash is in the garage
9:41 Shall I take a book, too?
9:58 Forgot to take the book.. well, whatever. Just don’t give into a cup of coffee from 7 Eleven, and any of that chocolate
10:16 You’ve got to enjoy a few minutes on a park bench
10:23 What are the mask rules at the moment for a coffee break during a sports activity? Will they change tomorrow? Don’t want to look at the phone just now. Will risk it
10:49 Once it’s over, I will try fencing
10:53 It’s been a fulfilling career, I’ve sacrificed much for it
10:55 Paralympics are on, incredible. All these people deserve war-calibre medals
10:57 Seriously, what I am doing this for? I have enough to turn this life around, when it’s over
11:02 I fucking thought so
11:03 The crisis in Afghanistan is nerve-wrecking; everybody thinks this way
11:09 Of course, Christina can’t afford her rent now. I’ll think about it and talk to her over the weekend
11:22 What are the Conan show suggestions for lunch? Mila Kunis, Senator Briggs, Obama
11:42 Okay, here is a draft of things I should address in the afternoon. Which are essential?
11:57 All things considered we’re fortunate